Why we recreate trauma

“Traumatized people tend to feel numb and not alive, and they can make themselves feel alive by exposing themselves to the same situations that caused their terror.”

Bessel van der Kolk

To deal with highly stressful situations, our body-mind reacts in ways that ensure our survival. We meet the challenge as best we can. We adapt ourselves to cope with the stress.

Trauma is not about the stress itself, it refers to being stuck in how we reacted. If we don’t get stuck in the reaction, it was just a very difficult experience.

Sometimes though, we get overwhelmed and adapt to the stress, making it normal. Our body creates a new chemical homeostasis (balance) adjusting to the trauma, and our mind makes it the new ‘normal’.

Our old, normal life no longer feels ‘right’ because our system has adapted to what traumatised us. Being in healthier situations now feels uncomfortable, and will trigger our trauma because it is in contrast. Psychologically we feel threatened by better experiences; they activate our emotions and memories.

To defend against what now feels ‘wrong’, we sabotage what’s better, and can subconsciously recreate the stress of the traumatic experiences in different ways, such as:

• Seeking out abusive people, places, situations
• Addictive behaviours that stress body-mind
• Dysfunctional relationships with unhealthy partners
• Risk-taking, thrill-seeking without self-care

 
Ways Forward
To undo our trauma adaptation, we make best progress by healing from four angles at once:

Physical
Anything that helps calm our nervous system, stimulates the vagus nerve, helps the body adjust back into a more relaxed state.

Eg. quiet rest, nourishing food, vagus nerve stimulation, gentle exercise, somatic bodywork

Emotional
Support to express, release, let go the stuck feelings around old experience.

Eg. counselling, psychotherapy, art, music, dance, breathwork

Psychological
Understanding events, people, dynamics and correcting unhelpful thoughts, ideas, beliefs.

Eg .therapy, psychoeducation, journalling, reflection, hypnotherapy

Spiritual
Accessing the higher energies of truth, peace, love to replace old fear, guilt, rage.

Eg. nature, devotions, spiritual reading and contemplation, prayer, meditation