Omission trauma - as damaging as physical abuse

Traumas of Omission

“Trauma isn’t just the bad things that happened to you but also the good things that never happened”

Trauma can be caused by things done and things not done. Traumas of commission are acts done to someone else, such as physical, emotional, sexual abuse. These experiences are obviously wrong and damaging.

As a child, it is easier to stay conscious of such abuse because we can see it, feel it, know that we didn’t like it. I remember a therapist I was seeing years ago telling me that,”if a child has a broken arm from abuse, as awful as that is, at least you can see it, touch it, feel it.” If it is in our conscious awareness, we can process it to some degree.

Traumas of omission however, tend to go underground. Such traumas stem from the absence or denial of things essential to our wellbeing, such as support, connection and protection. We are not being given what we need, creating a wound in the negative sense. It is harder to be aware of this as a child.

Physical and emotional neglect cause huge problems in our development as children; we are not being given the experiences we need for our growing sense of safety and self. Omission also includes not being cared for and protected as a dependent child, leaving us vulnerable to harm. The betrayal of a parent who didn’t protect us or remove us from a harmful situation, can be harder to heal out that the attacks of the aggressor!

Omission trauma from childhood tends to get repressed; such hidden trauma can follow us our whole life if not understood and treated. It is never too late to seek help, get information, commence therapy.

Can you relate to this issue of trauma by omission?

“Trauma of commission is a trauma where something happened: a harm, a sexual assault, an attack, domestic abuse, a crash.

Trauma of omission is where something didn't happen. It's the loss of not receiving basic human needs; the loss of comfort, physical touch, support, consistency, honesty or warmth.”

Esther Goldstein