How's your trust?

Trusting self, trusting others

“Change moves at the speed of trust” Stephen Covey

Therapy revolves around trust because lack of trust is at the centre of our wounding. When we are working with someone we can trust, who is safe and reliable, we get to experience trust up close, maybe for the first time. A therapeutic relationship needs to be a solid, consistent, trustworthy one.

Then we can explore the damage done to our trust in the past. Were you abused, neglected, attacked, dismissed, mocked, criticised? These experiences, whether mild or extreme, can be very crushing of our natural trust of others. A child is automatically open, vulnerable, trusting and cannot walk away or push back against such behaviours. The blows hit deep inside.

The child with a stronger personality structure will tend to blame themselves for such treatment. Their trust in themselves is also damaged, leaving them with shame, low self-worth, little confidence.

We heal out this lack of trust in reverse. I like to start with lots of inner child work, where you as the stronger adult, can bring consistently loving support to your child aspect. Over time, this builds a trust in self. Greater self-love, worth and confidence develop. The child becomes ready and able to trust again.

With healthy boundaries in place, the client can then experiment with trusting others, allowing good people in more. Better self-worth allows more discernment in choosing others, rather than repeating childhood patterns and picking the ‘bad’ ones.

Therapy is where we get to practice vulnerability, being heard, seen and respected by a mature, empathic other. It provides the proving ground for healthier expression and connection. A client learns to tolerate being treated with love and care that may have been lacking or absent in childhood.

Trust in self, trust in others leads to healthier relationships and a healthier world. Like anything, we can start with changing ourselves first rather than waiting for those around us to change.

“Relationships are built at the speed of trust, and social change happens at the speed of relationships.” Rev Jennifer Bailey