Do you have a receiving problem?

Receiving Problems

Are you a pleaser, fixer, rescuer type? We have been exploring in these newsletters (see website for past ones) how many people get stuck in this type of trauma reaction.

The pleaser, giver person has great strength; to hold their own feelings, put them aside and focus on other's needs. An essential part of maturity.

But if we are jammed in the ‘giving’ mode, we can have real problems receiving anything from others. We have learned well how to empathise and care for others, but not how to accept healthy attention in return.

Do you struggle with compliments, gifts, consideration?

With being asked what you would like, want or need?

Putting yourself first even when you are exhausted and reaching the bottom of your tank?

Suggestions:

Practice self-care, starting with small steps. Consciously ask yourself what would be something you would like that you rarely give yourself. Perhaps time to relax, read, watch your favourite show, have a long bath. Do something every day, however small.

Notice any resistance to care from another person, minimising their kind words or declining their support, rejecting a thoughtful gesture. Try not to judge or criticise yourself at this moment.

In either case, be aware of the emotions that self-giving or other-giving activate within. The memories of those times when you had to please to survive are stored inside. They block your receiving and need to be faced and cleared.

Seek therapy if you get stuck. In my personal and professional experience, everyone needs some help, at least at first, in this process of resolving old trauma.

"Work on receiving. You cut off your flow of blessings when you act as though you are not deserving of assistance. Also, you do not need to overcompensate once someone does give to you. You are already worthy.”

Robin S. Baker

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. "

Lucille Ball